I don’t know about you guys, but some of these sound like the would be really fun to attend! I am all about watching future husbands and wives duke it out over the best man!
They shared the greatest trash on Reddit — here are the best ones:
1. Worked at a very high-end golf club in Seattle that regularly hosted expensive weddings. This Samoan wedding is probably my favorite:
-All the groomsmen were wearing lime green vests with matching lime green snapbacks
-The wedding party must order food from the restaurant at the golf club, as stated in the contract. They order Dominoes instead and the pizza guy literally brings these people pizza as they sit in a fancy restaurant.
-The bride and groom got into a fistfight right before the ceremony, delaying it a bit until bruises could be covered with makeup
-They hired a live band to play at the reception, but didn’t feed them. During their first break, the lead singer decides to zoom down the hill to grab some McDonalds for the crew. He is pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. His one call from jail: “I can’t play at your wedding anymore, I’m in jail.”
2. My aunt married her third husband in Waffle House in Atlanta Georgia. They chose the booth where Kid Rock was once arrested.
3. The best man screwed the groom’s mother between the meal and the dancing. The groom finds out and punches the best man, breaking his hand. The best man drives away and gets stopped by the police for drunk driving.
Being a wedding photographer is awesome.
4. My cousin who, let’s say, isn’t playing with a full deck and thought that she had hired a caterer because she sat at a bar one night and said to this lady “you should do the food for my wedding”. Waited until about an hour after the food should have logically arrived before starting to make some phone calls, only to find out that the “caterer” was on vacation in Costa Rica and had no idea that the bride thought she was doing food for the wedding. Dominoes to the rescue about 2 hours later. But the reception being at a bowling ally with a keg in the middle of the dance floor was completely planned.
5. I was at a wedding in Germany once, and the bride asked for a divorce during the reception.
6. The Groom is a plumber. The flowers the men wore on their lapels were mini toilets with flowers in them. The centerpieces were plungers. No, I’m not making this up.
7. Easily my cousins, it was held in their side yard. Styrofoam stuff for the aisle, she was about half an hour late coming out of the house because they had to deal with some critter, and we had to bring our own lawn chairs to sit in. Ceremony lasted all of 4 minutes and we went home.
8. When my cousin got married to his pregnant girlfriend, her father carried a shotgun when he walked her down the aisle.
9. The groom showed up in a Hooters T-shirt. Turns out they had actually been divorced for 6 months at the time of the ceremony. The bride celebrated her honeymoon by checking herself into a mental hospital the day after the ceremony.
10. I wasn’t going to comment but honestly after reading these comments I realize how truly special my uncle’s redneck wedding was. Some notable things about the redneck wedding:
-To host the wedding in my uncle’s backyard they had to spend about an hour that morning (though the wedding was planned for months) moving rusted out car parts out of the way, and by out of the way I mean from the back yard to the front yard, and then covering them with a tarp. The entire back yard was dotted with massive patches of dead grass now, but nobody seemed to mind.
A yard sale was happening next door simultaneously which many of the guests made purchases at (including myself, $4 lava lamp, couldn’t resist)
The inside of the house was so disastrous none of the adult guests set foot in it. Myself and some of the other younger guests made a game of seeing who could tolerate the stench inside the house longest. Nobody lasted a full minute. There was literally garbage covering every surface with paths cut through the trash for movement. The garbage was so high it reached the bottom of the Christmas tree, which was still up in July.
Predicting the state of the house, one of the guest’s donation to the “pot luck” style wedding dinner was a portapotty. God as my witness, this man arranged to have a portapotty brought in to the bride and groom’s backyard so the other guests wouldn’t have to deal with the filth of the house and nobody objected to that or thought it out of place at all.
Other contributions to the pot luck dinner include weenies n’ beans, slices of bologna with Kraft singles rolled up and stuck with a toothpick as hors d’oeuvres, and two buckets of KFC chicken
Most of the bridesmaids had those sitting-walker things like this , all were morbidly obese, one had an oxygen tank, all were smoking cigarettes.
The grooms all wore their nicest ball caps during the ceremony.
The bride and groom didn’t have a full set of teeth between them
At one point during the ceremony the bride’s brother gave us all a “special surprise” which consisted of him using some sort of explosives to fire tiny plastic weights tied to Canada flag parachutes into the air. When I asked why he did this I was told “they’re Canada flags” at which point all confusion dissipated.
The dinner and reception were held at the local Legion (essentially a bar for old people, specifically veterans, not sure if other nations have something similar)
There were 6 rascal scooters parked outside the legion when I got there
The bartender didn’t pour drinks, he handed patrons a plastic cup with liquor in it and pointed them at the pop dispenser, also putting any change from drink orders directly into his tip jar
Honestly there was a bunch more weird shit from that wedding, this is just the stuff off the top of my head. I’ve been to some very nice redneck weddings, but this was not one of them.
11. I once helped cater a hunting themed wedding, complete with camo print dress and tuxedos.
12. The bride and groom weren’t actually very interested in each other. He was very wealthy and she needed financial stability, it didn’t matter from who. He needed emotional stability afforded by marriage, it didn’t matter from who. She was (maybe still is) having an affair with someone else, who just so happens to be one of her teachers from high school. He knows and doesn’t care. They got married anyway and it was awkward because only the friends of the couple knew what was actually going on.
Here’s the kicker: The bride specifically requested that the DJ play Panic At The Disco’s “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”.
13. It was in a public park, which in itself is not an issue at all. The “reception” was in a small shelter house that was made of cinder brick and was basically a room attached to two bathrooms…. Two public park bathrooms, with all the “atmosphere” you’d expect in such a place.
The wedding was right outside the latrine shelter house, and consisted of the bride’s mother ordering us all (while waving her arms like a maniac conducter) to hum “Here Comes the Bride.”
The reception after was deli sandwiches (again, on its own not an issue), with Boone’s Farm Wine to make toasts. Except if you wanted some, it was $1.