Loopfy asked people exactly what they do when they masturbate. Here are their open, honest, and very creative answers.
There’s no instruction manual for masturbation, and even if there was, we’re pretty sure people would go down an ~unbeaten~ path anyway (sorry). Since it’s a private activity, people are free to be as creative and weird as they want to get themselves off — but have no way of knowing what other people are doing.
In search of answers, Loopfy asked people of all ages, genders, and sexualities to describe the nitty-gritty of how they actually masturbate.
Here’s what they said.
“I typically start by reading stories on Literotica or maybe I will look up porn on the web (hell, sometimes both). I like to build up to it so I will usually resist touching myself down there until I’m soaked. Then once I can’t take it anymore, I’ll start using a dildo or vibrator or my fingers (or a mix of the three). Usually slow and steady at first, then sped up to go along with what I’m reading or watching.”
“I sit with my legs folded underneath me with my ankles crossed. I grind myself onto the heel of my foot. It leaves my hands available for stimulating other areas.”
“Instead of gripping it and jerking like most guys, I lay my penis flat on my belly and rub it until I cum. Almost like rolling dough into a breadstick shape.”
“I have a plethora of toys. This last time, I was taking a bath and decided to give myself the ultimate pampering. I suction cupped a dildo to the side of the tub and used a vibe to stimulate my clit. A+”
“I usually just get down and dirty. I start by piling on the blankets so my roommates won’t hear. Then I use an electric toothbrush (that is not ever in my mouth) on my clit while watching porn. Sometimes lesbian, sometimes college party scene, sometimes public bondage stuff. Always incognito on Google Chrome.”
—21/F/I don’t discriminate
“When I feel like masturbating, I’ll usually pull up a porn site or a cam site and watch that to get myself hard. Many times I’ll just go to a video I’ve watched dozens of times or I’ll just think about one of my partners.
“Since I’m alone, there’s no reason to keep my mess-aversion in check, so many times I just stand over the toilet bowl while I jack my penis vigorously. To put me over the edge, I typically think of one of my partners doing something they enjoy (like anal, or being tied up, or double-penetrated). That usually works, and I ejaculate into the toilet bowl or into tissues so that I can easily dispose of the mess. I wipe away the last little drop of ejaculate from the end of my penis, flush the toilet, and move on with my day.”
“I get hand lotion, mix it with some petroleum jelly, and put it in a plastic baggie. I put the baggie on my cock and wank for five minutes. I stop, and wait to get a little harder, then wank til I cum.”
“I get my adrenaline pumping by blasting some Kanye, Nicki, or Hamilton, usually ‘My Shot,’ or if I’m looking for something more upbeat ‘The Schuyler Sisters,’ and do a quick workout. After that, I grab some lube, head over to Tumblr to find some free porn that won’t pose risk of viruses like most porn sites, and beat the meat. #NotThrowingAwayMyShots”
“Sometimes I like to masturbate in the stalls of a busy bathroom at my university. There is something thrilling about the possibility of someone knowing what I am doing, so it is fun to do it when the bathroom is really busy. There are even tallies in some stalls for fellow anonymous masturbators to keep track of how often we cum there.”
“I usually masturbate while watching porn, and occasionally while reading some good femslash fan fiction. I put headphones on and, if I’m in a patient mood, search for new porn. But my tastes are pretty specific and this is hard, so I usually revert back to the old ones I know will work. I am gay and like women and enjoy watching lesbian porn, but for some reason straight porn, especially blow jobs, is what really gets me off. I put my laptop next to me and use my vibrator under the covers so my roommates don’t hear. I start low and increase the strength as I get more turned on. I try to wait until a good part before letting myself finish. Then I shut my computer and finish again by grinding on a pillow.”
“I usually start by scrolling through Tumblr and touching myself through my underwear, and then when I start to actually get turned on I switch to porn. I like men, but I watch all kinds of porn: lesbian, older men with young women, anal, vaginal, BDSM, you name it. I take testosterone, so my ‘clitoris’ has grown a bit and is like a small dick. I rub it and stroke it to get off. I also penetrate myself vaginally with a dildo because it feels great and intensifies my orgasms, so why the fuck not?”
“My favorite place to masturbate is in the shower with the shower head. I turn down the lights and start my shower hot so the bathroom is nice and steamy. I change my shower head setting so the flow is steadier and cooler. I keep that shower head on my clit. The pressure from it feels amazing and I can orgasm in less than five minutes. The best orgasms are the ones where I temporarily go blind and the shower head does just that.”
“I usually don’t masturbate unless I am already horny, and that usually only happens when I’ve been reading really smutty gay fan fiction. To get comfortable I have to lock my door, turn all my lights and TV and computer off to make it super dark, and only take my pants off (leaving my shirt and panties on). Then, I lay in bed under my thinnest blanket and rub my clit through my panties with one hand and I have to hold my shoulder with my other hand. I generally start off a little slow, but it usually only takes me like three minutes to come so sometimes I go three times in a row really fast. I’ve never enjoyed penetration so this is all I need.”
“Mostly ‘traditional’ masturbation for a man. It’s really just part of my day. The main area of focus is jacking my dick, but I use my other hand to play with my nipples and my balls. Get in and get out in as little time as possible. When I have the time, I love running my free hand over the hair on my chest and abdomen while I touch myself. Sometimes, I’ll use dildos and vibrators to stimulate my anus but those are rare occasions.”
“I masturbate to music. It’s the most incredible feeling to find a song that has a buildup and having an orgasm as the music drops is the most intense feeling ever! Far better than any orgasm I have without. I can’t get off to every song — it takes time to find out what works and what doesn’t.”
“I still haven’t been able to reach orgasm, but I fully enjoy masturbation. I tend to start out by dimming the lights or turning off all but my computer screen. I look up GIFs/videos via Reddit’s many porn subs. I prefer very degrading, rough sex. From there I pretty much imagine myself as the subject getting pounded. I don’t even need to watch after a while. So long as I have an idea to work with, all I need is my imagination. Since I haven’t orgasmed yet (getting the Hitachi soon!) I stop when I suddenly lose interest. I can go for upwards of an hour if I have trouble getting to sleep.”
“In front of the mirror. I guess you can say I literally am getting off on myself.”
“While I don’t experience sexual attraction, I do experience arousal. A phrase I’ve heard in relation to asexual masturbation is ‘Clearing out the plumbing.’ What really works for me is Jerk Off Instruction (JOI), a type of porn where someone — usually a woman — gives you specific instructions on what to do. Instructions including how fast to go, how long for, and sometimes asking you to eat the semen you’ve just produced. I masturbate four to five times a week, when I wake up or when I go to bed.
“I don’t really talk to anyone about masturbation except for when I come out as asexual. One of the first questions is usually if I masturbate and I then have a discussion explaining that while I do, it doesn’t invalidate my asexuality.”
“Tucked as far as possible, using the tip of the penis as a clit. Needless to say, it’s easier when lying down.”
“I push on the head of my penis a lot with my right hand. Sometimes I trace the rim of my foreskin, sometimes I use my left middle finger to anally stimulate myself. I don’t watch porn or use visual stimuli much, other than looking at myself in the mirror. Often I picture myself in various sexual situations with either people I’ve been in sexual relationships with or imagined people of various gender and genital configurations. Sometimes I stop myself before orgasm and take a short break in order to build up tension. I usually try to ejaculate into either a toilet or a tissue, something disposable.”
“I wait ‘til my husband leaves. Then I search for HD porn that usually involves lesbians, or gang bangs. It takes me about one minute with my Hitachi Wand. Then I’ll make coffee and feed the cats.”
“I read kinky porn and hump a pillow. It pales in comparison to sex with my guy, but it takes the edge off.”
“Wait ‘til the kids are napping, then furtively duck into the bathroom. Search YouPorn for lesbians, and clear the pipes so I can get on with everything that needs to be done around the house.”
“Since I’m too chicken to actually buy nipple clamps, I use a bobby pin on each nipple, just enough so it hurts a little. The bobby pins actually make it easy to tug on if I want a little extra sensation. Then I pour body oil all over the front of me. I’ve noticed as I get older it’s perfectly normal to want to try new things. Rubbing the slippery oil all over me combined with the sensation of my nipples being pinched sets me right off. Then from there it’s time to jump onto my loyal Rabbit vibrator. There is nothing better then riding that bad boy cowboy style ‘til I go crosseyed.”
“I put lube on my fingers and rub my clit, not direct pressure, for about three minutes while lying down. As I get closer to climaxing, I stand up. I have to come standing up or in an upright position.”
“If I’m in the shower I’ll lean against the wall so the hot water hits my back but doesn’t wash the soap off of my junk. If I’m jacking off normally I use my non-dominant hand because my penis curves to the right making the grip uncomfortable. If I’m in the shower I like to use my dominant hand but backwards, with my thumb towards my body, and just squeeze the head of my penis repeatedly until I get off. It helps get a nice motion going. Just before I come I turn to let the shower run over my penis. Feels great. If I’m not in the shower I’m just your regular old porn and sock sorta guy.”
“I always take a super soft blanket and lay it down on my bed, usually folded a few times to make it thicker. Then I set up some porn on my laptop and just lay on my stomach with my dick against the blanket. Then I just move my hips back and forth or up and down so my dick would rub against the blanket until I orgasm! It kinda gives me the sensation of actual sex because I’m doing the movements with my body rather than using my hand.”
“I usually start by drinking a full glass of water (it puts slight pressure on your clit to have a full bladder) and look up a few erotic stories. After I’m turned on, I begin. I’m intersex, so my vagina is a little unique. The only way I’ve found to get myself off is to put my legs around a blanket or pillow and hump away. I hump vigorously until I finish. I have to do a lot of laundry for my sheets.”
“Sometimes I love to put myself against the clock, like I’m defusing a bomb, I GOT FIVE MINUTES! GO GO GO.”
“I have spent 16 years with standard clit-stimulation masturbation. Very recently I began exploring anal play. I LOVE inserting my vibrator into my ass while fingering my vagina and/or rubbing my clit. My orgasms are intense and seem to last forever.”
[Editor’s note: Make sure to only use a vibrator designed for anal play — preferably with a flared base — so it doesn’t get, um, lost.]
“Mainly I just watch porn on my iPad. Lately though I’ve been experimenting with milking my prostate. Hard to believe it’s something some guys will never experience. So far I’ve only used my fingers and fiancées small vibrator but I’d love to use a male toy built to stimulate that special spot. I’d like to introduce that into the bedroom but just have to wait for the right time to bring it up. Not so much masturbating anymore but sometimes it just feels so good to do.”
—32/M/Straight but bicurious
“As a trans man with a vagina, I’m still dealing with some dysphoria and don’t like to touch myself down there a whole lot. Luckily, if I lay facedown and cross my legs really tightly and flex my vagina over and over, I can pretty much orgasm in a few minutes.”
“If I have some time to myself, and I am in the right mood, I get creative. I have a variety of toys that go in my butt — plugs, dildos, beads, and a prostate massager. I will typically take a shower first, then make sure all of my toys are clean and ready to go. I will lay a towel down on my bed and grab my laptop. As I am searching for the perfect video, I start stretching my ass open with my fingers, then a plug, and then my anal beads. If I find a video that looks promising and that is over 5 minutes in length, then I will start using a dildo. As I get closer to orgasm, I switch from my dildo/whatever is in my ass, to my prostate massager. The vibrations added with pushing it in and out usually drive me crazy to the point where I just grab my dick and jerk it until I cum.”
“I just grab my dick and jerk. It’s not that complicated.”
“It took me forever to figure out how to masturbate because all the solo porn I’d seen was just women daintily rubbing their clits or gently fingering themselves, and that did nothing for me. I have to get rough and ugly. We’re talking two vibrators, revved up to the highest vibration. One goes on my clitoris and the other one goes inside of me, and I hit it HARD with my palm with a steady fast rhythm so it’s like getting fucked. It probably looks rather aggressive and frightening from the outside, but it works.”
“I enjoy writing and I enjoy watching porn, so I write porn fanfics. Writing out my fantasies and placing particular actors in them really turns me on. Writing them out allows me to get very detailed and I can read them over and over like my own personal erotica collection. I always end up masturbating by the time I finish writing. And I always hold my breath when I come. It’s a great trick. Try it!”
“Masturbation for me is usually a means to an end. The vast majority of the time it’s because I’ve woken up in the middle of the night with an erection and I want to go back to sleep! The two options are A) Get out of bed or B) do something to make it go away. Obviously, you should ALWAYS choose Option B — bed is cozy! This leads to what is possibly the speediest wank that ever existed, in a complete daze! Job done, back to sleep.”
“I could be wrong but I reckon I’ll be fairly boring compared to most. The only unusual (or maybe not) thing about me is that my nipples are more sensitive than my penis, so while I’m masturbating with one hand, the other is playing with my nipples. And if I’m really turned on, I have been known to cum just from nipple play — is that weird?!”
“I used to start with a lot of nipple stimulation, but I lost all feeling in them when I had a double mastectomy for my transition. Now, I use lube to wet my clit and work it until I’m wet and use a Bad Dragon toy with a knot on my pussy so that it slams hard against my entrance. Try it, it’s surprisingly good! I jack my clit manually and use my toy while reading kink fanfic or looking at porn on Tumblr.”
“Porn. Hand. Clit. Rub. Keep going. Done.”
Responses have been edited for length or clarity.
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