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10 Worst Dressed Celebrities

I was browsing through my Facebook feed the other day when I saw the latest “fad” in the fashion world: crotch-less pants and shorts for men. Seriously. I think I heard some of the cats laugh when they saw it as well. I’m trying to convince myself that the reason why I don’t understand fashion nowadays is because I’m old. But no, some clothes on the catwalk and on the backs of celebrities are just downright horrible. And to think that some of these pieces are disgustingly expensive! I’d give up all of my cats before I’d spend $200 on a plain white shirt that’s going to end up looking like a rag in a few years.

Whatever happened to a good ‘ol dress for the ladies and a nice shirt and pair of pants for the lads? Hollywood, what did you do to these 10 worst dressed celebrities? I don’t have a lot of money like them, but I do know how to dress the cats and myself decently.

Don’t get me wrong; there are a lot of good-looking and well-dressed people in Tinsel Town. However, there are the other ones who need to fire their stylists. Are these celebrities blind? Can they not afford a mirror? I am simply baffled with their reasons and choices!

Miley Cyrus

Miley-CyrusOh, Miley Ray, where do I even begin? From your hair to your tongue to your clothes, everything’s just an eyesore—or maybe just something to provide shock factor. You used to be such a pretty girl, why are you ruining your looks?

I don’t care if you want to show some skin. My only concern is that you only need minimal amounts of fabric for your clothes and yet you still manage to screw it up. I respect your choice to be yourself, I really do. However, if your name constantly pops up in worst dressed lists, you should be reevaluating your fashion choices.

Bubba, you don’t want to be known as “the promising Disney kid who let it all go by pulling off as many antics as she could”, do you? You clean up so well during formal awards show, so I have faith that you will start dressing normally, eventually.

Johnny Depp

Johnny-DeppWe get it. You’re very handsome, Mr. Depp. My cats adore all of your films, but they do not adore your fashion choices. Your handsome face can not distract them from the horrible pieces that you’ve been sporting recently. For some odd reason, you always seem to layer your shirts and your scarves, but you still manage to show off your chest beneath all of the covers. What’s up with that?

To quote a recent edition of the Weekend Update on SNL, “Johnny Depp would rather be a French scarf monster.” Pull it together, my boy! You just got married to Amber Heard, she seems like a fashionable lady. Ask her to give you some tips on how to dress like a normal person, please.

Michael Jordan

Michael-JordanMichael is literally a god to sneaker fans out there. I’ve seen some of my nephews throw tantrums when their Jordans get a bit of dirt on them. Now they don’t even wear those expensive pairs. Heck, they even have shrines in their rooms for their shoes!

That being said, I wonder why Michael decides to wear high-waist jeans, turtlenecks and suede sports coats when he’s out and about on the red carpet. It’s like his fashion sense never left the 90’s!

Michael, your fans are lining your pockets with millions of dollars because of your sneakers. Maybe it’s time to hire a stylist, or you could always browse Pinterest to get an idea of how men from 2015 dress. Either way, please throw your wardrobe away and invest in at least one nice suit.

Lady Gaga

Lady-GagaSure, Lady Gaga’s costumes are fun to look at and if this were a “Best Celeb Costumes” list, she’d top it. However, this is about dressing up and looking nice—not looking like a cartoon character from a short-lived Saturday morning show. Lady Gaga likes to make a show out of her daily outfits, but it’s getting redundant. I sure hope that sometime soon, she decides to reinvent herself as a normal yet still fabulous diva.

I’ve seen Lady Gaga wear some “normal” clothes and I thought she looked gorgeous. Here’s an idea: why not shock people by going to a red carpet while wearing a decent gown minus all the frou frous and weird trinkets and baubles? I’m telling you, it’d be the talk of the town if she does.

Charlie Sheen

Charlie-SheenCharlie Sheen seems to have a never-ending surplus of bowling shirts. His style evokes “middle-aged dad who wants to convince people that he’s still got it” and amps it up further by sporting fedoras and cargo shorts. I even read somewhere that Charlie’s outfits remind some people of a creepy, alcoholic uncle who has girlfriends half his age. I don’t know about the “uncle” part, but the other adjectives apply to Mr. Sheen here.

Sorry, Charlie. Your fashion sense is not #winning. Get rid of the bowling shirts and cut off all contact from the Tommy Bahama stores near your house. You’re a handsome man, you should dress sharply so people can take you seriously like they used to. Or you know, if you want to continue riding the crazy train, by all means.

Dennis Rodman

Dennis-RodmanDennis, do you know why you’re on this list? You are an amazing basketball player but you’re not that talented when it comes to dressing yourself, are you?

This is how my cats describe his style: Like 80’s and 90’s clothes eloped and had a child together. He’s the next-level version of Michael Jordan’s fashion sense.

And don’t get me started on the cross-dressing because that’s not how you do it, Dennis. You’re making me think that you bought out a bargain bin and decided to do a Russian roulette for your outfits. You didn’t care if something was made for a man or a woman—heck, maybe even a child because some of your clothes don’t fit well on you. Let Grandma Cat Lady help you make better fashion decisions next time, okay? Call me.

Kim Kardashian

Kim-KardashianKim Kardashian may have the money to buy expensive clothes, but sometimes, those thousand-dollar dresses are the same things that pull her style down. Remember that time when Kim went to the MET Gala in a dress that looked like upholstery? I do, because my couch has the same print as her dress.

Kim says her husband dresses her and is the one responsible for her wardrobe. There are a lot of photos of Kim looking like she could suffocate from her clothes because they’re are so tight on her voluptuous body. Kimmy, have you seen how your husband dresses? I know you own mirrors, so I’m just going to assume that you both have poor eyesight. Also, I don’t think your husband understands women’s fashion that much. Many of his choices for you are questionable. The expensive bags painted with naked demons? Well, I think somebody needs an exorcism.

Kanye West

Kanye-WestWhere there’s Kim, there’s Kanye—a man who thought that it was a good idea to produce and sell $90 plain white shirts. I thought rappers were supposed to be flashy not tacky? Kanye hits both categories by being flashy and tacky with most of his outfits.

What happened? You used to look nice when you were first experimenting with your style. Now you’re just going overboard. Also, my cat Edgar wants to inform you that you’re dressing Kim very poorly. Here’s to hoping that North West makes wise fashion choices when she grows up. Her parents may have millions in their bank accounts, but oh Lord; I might faint if I see them dressing up North in horrible outfits. Don’t let a poor little girl suffer when there are tons of cute baby clothes for sale everywhere.

Matthew McConaughey

Matthew-McConaugheyI think Matthew McConaughey has spent so much time being shirtless that he actually forgot how to properly dress himself. I don’t understand his fashion choices (except for those sexy tuxedos and suits on the red carpet) because he doesn’t really coordinate his outfits, and whats up with that visor collection? Well, it happens with free-spirited people like Matt that don’t care about wearing clothes because he knows he looks like a Greek god without them.

When I see Matt wearing clothes, I usually cringe. His attractiveness level just goes down significantly, especially when he wears “mandals” or anything that exposes his toes. It ruins his whole look.

Stay shirtless, Matt. That way, you can keep every woman in the world happy. Or you can always dress up in suits—I wouldn’t complain about that.

Adam Sandler

Adam-SandlerAdam Sandler dresses like a broke college kid from the early 00’s. I know that he doesn’t care about fashion because he’s a comedian. It’s his job to make us laugh all the time. However, it wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t dress like a teenager, right?

Your $300 million net worth should be put to good use—like dressing your age and refraining yourself from buying statement shirts that you like to layer under plaid sweaters. You need Edgar, my cat. He’s the most fashionable out of all my kitties and he’s just dying to dress you better, Adam. Let him tell you about how adults dress up. If you’re scared of spending a lot of money on clothes, Edgar can help you find sales and deals. Just please; spare the world from seeing another man-child on their screens.


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