1. Candy pouch
Who misses the nostalgia of childhood and candy necklaces? Surely your beau does! Bring back a simpler time with this tasty gift of an edible candy posing pouch. We are sure your Fella’s package will feel safe and secure while you chomp each one of those candy bits off for just $20. Oh wow… No! No! Actually, that sounds horrible!
2. Smitten mittens
Nothing says “I love you so mush that I want everyone who has met us to forcibly vomit for the rest of forever”. That is at least what this abhorrent invention seems to scream.
3. A custom nude portrai
In an age where the selfie is king and dick pics are just as common as pictures of sunsets, why not class things up by gifting that special someone a hand painted a portrait of every naked inch of you? All you have to do is send a photo of yourself and $100 to someone you don’t know and surely everything will turn out very romantic.
4. Salami bouquet
Flowers are always a sweet sentiment but their lives are just so fleeting, quite unlike that of the lifespan of salami. For $150 you can solve your flower conundrum by instead ordering a bouquet of a dozen salami directly to your lover’s door. Unlike flowers, we are sure these fine logs of meat will only get better with age.
5. Brief jerky
There is something about the act of giving a loved one a present that seems to always bring meat to mind. If that forementioned salami-bouquet isn’t quite your speed, then how about a pair of brief jerky? These custom made panties are one hundred percent made from the highest quality of preserved meats and designed to thrill your partner and sate your carnivorous passion. That’s so sweet!