We asked the BuzzFeed community to tell us the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to them during sex. These are some of the best responses.
1. The “Monica Geller.”
Once, I had sex with the cleaning guy and while we were doing it he swiped his finger over the headboard of my bed. I had my penis inside his anus and he turned around, showed me his dust-covered finger, and looked at me with reproach.
2. The Penis Whisperer.
This one time, I was with a girl who wouldn’t stop talking about my penis. I understand that male ego can be weak and that maybe this satisfied her partners in the past; I also think it’s cool when there’s some level of communication during sex. However, in this case, it was weird. She would describe things about my penis and I didn’t know what to say, so I was just, like, “Uh… thank you?”
A few years ago, me and my then boyfriend were riding the bus on our way to his house and we started feeling horny. When we got to his place, all the lights were off and Oscar (his Golden Retriever) greeted us. We closed the living room door and went straight to the bedroom, closing the door and getting down to business.
We had started to get a good pace going, when I suddenly looked into a mirror that reflected a crack in the bedroom door and saw the hall door opening and his mother coming towards the bedroom. I’m fucking her son in the ass, she’s about to open the bedroom door and, what’s the first thing that comes to my mind to justify that my naked ass is on top of her son? Pretending I’m tickling him, obviously. The woman comes in, smiling, but then her face quickly changes when she realizes what we’re doing. “Hi guys, how you doing, I made some croquettes, DO YOU WANT SOME CROQUETTES?! I’M GOING TO LEAVE A PLATE WITH CROQUETTES.” And she walked out. Poor thing, as it turns out, was sleeping on the couch the whole time and we didn’t even see her. I have never eaten croquettes with so little appetite.
4. Seismic force.
My girlfriend and I were 69ing when suddenly she farted big time on my face. I even felt the rush of air. And it sounded like an earthquake.
5. “Saw V.”
I met a guy at a party and we liked each other so we headed to my place. We hooked up and everything was perfect. We had great sex, even though it was a little rough. Afterwards, we fell asleep and the next morning, when the light came through the window, I saw that my period had begun two weeks early because of a medicine that I’d been prescribed. The sheets were red, I had blood all over my body, there were bloody handprints on the wall, and the poor guy’s face was all red because he had gone down on me. Seriously, it looked as if someone had stolen our organs in the night.
6. The midsummer night’s dream.
One night, I was with a girl I had just met. We were both very nervous. She was learning Spanish and just when I was about to slide it in she said “te quiero.”’Obviously, she meant “I want you,” but I guess she didn’t realize that this actually means “I LOVE you.” There was no way around the embarrassing moment, blank stares, and awkward laughter… and then more awkward staring.
7. The “Jackson Pollock.”
20th Century Fox Television/Source: giphy
I’d always thought that female ejaculation was a myth, a circus trick you only see on porn videos. A stain on my wallpaper will always remind me just how wrong I was about that. The chick squirted all the way to the wall from my bed, deserving no less than a gold medal.
8. Some unexpected French
A French guy exclaimed “Oh, là là” at me right in the middle of the act.
9. The “Carrie.”
My period seemed to be coming late by a few days, but my parents went out of town, so “stuff” went down at home. While it was happening, we noticed a bit more moisture than usual in our nether regions, but we kept going strong, despite the wetness. A minute or so later, we decided to switch positions.
Fear. Horror. Cries of pain. Blood everywhere.
We had suffered a triple whammy: my period had started to flow, his condom had slipped all the way off and was lost somewhere inside me, and, last but not least, the skin on his penis had torn. It all ended with him in the bathtub holding a bag of ice to his wound, while I ran the washing machine non-stop at two in the morning.
10. The blowjob “gag rule.”
20th Century Fox Television / Via giphy.com
I had a date with a guy whose dick was just huge. I was used to his size, but the guy was a little bit rough with me. When I was blowing him, I started to feel like I might throw up. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let me. I hit him so that he would let me go, but he took it as a sign that I was enjoying myself. When he was about to ejaculate, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I puked. I was totally embarrassed and ran out, but at least he realized it wasn’t my fault.
11. When cotton doesn’t lie.
ABC Productions / Via giphy.com
A guy was about to go down on me, and I had TOILET PAPER down there.
12. The unexpected ending.
My “first time” took place on a park bench with a girl I had been going out with for a while. She said she had lots of experience (since this is anonymous, allow me to brag about having a very big dick, seriously). There were surprisingly few people in the park for an autumn day, so I sat down, unzipped my pants, put on a condom and, after making out for a while, she got up, lifted her dress, pulled off her panties, lifted my dick into position and sat down in a quick squat. She screamed very loudly. I sat still for a few seconds and, when she stood back up, there was blood all over my gray pants. She got up and ran off. Returning home on the train with my entire crotch covered in blood (some of the stains went as far down as my knees) was quite an experience. When I got home, my family looked at me and didn’t even bother to ask. Naturally, I’m now gay.
13. The scarecrow.
This wasn’t especially embarrassing, but the end of the story was a bit pathetic. Once I was with a guy who was so incredibly shy that I literally had to move his arms and place them onto my butt and stuff. It was kind of like fucking a ragdoll. His score, 4/10. I can’t recommend him.
14. The “cute emergency.”
We were interrupted by his Pomeranian.
15. Anal sex with poo stains.
Anal sex with poo stains.
16. Out of sight, out of luck
I was giving a guy a blowjob with my contact lenses in (my eyesight is horrible), and when he came, he ejaculated right into my eyes. I thought I might go blind, so I headed for the bathroom to take my contact lenses out immediately. The guy couldn’t even look me straight in the eyes afterwards.
This post was translated from Spanish.